Posted on 03/14/2011 at 7:11pm

I was fighting it. All the changes were coming so quickly then. I hurried around my life constantly as if something needed to be done. There I was in the middle of my lifetime as a woman and artist not sure what the horrible unsettled feeling meant.  I would ask myself, what are you waiting for? What is fulfillment? How does anyone realize those things that give joy and satisfaction in life? Then the fear would come, perhaps I am not complete. Perhaps it is a lack of some kind that I am feeling. I began to think long and hard, almost in a panic mode about adopting a child.  Deep down inside myself I felt very uncomfortable about it. I don’t know why. Even that made me feel worse, because then I felt terribly guilty about not wanting a child to take care of, to nurture, to give all that I am to. I cried. I worried.

Then. One night after a particularly bad day of concern about the problem I had created for myself. I had a dream. Not a typical dream. It was one that I could see and hear audibly what was being said to me. It was just before I woke up so I remember it very clearly. There was an androgynous being, not male or female standing at a fork in a road with an arm outstretched gesturing, by pointing in a direction away from me, and in a distinct commanding voice I can still hear in my mind to this day, this is what was said to me. “STAY on the Path you are on!”

I awoke from that dream feeling relieved.  My concern was gone quickly when I would remember those words. I was not quite sure what path the powerful being was talking about, and I still wonder, but I can tell you this, I never adopted a child. I continue to spend my life as woman and an artist. There must be different paths to fulfillment in life because I am managing to find joy on this one I am on. Another of the paths less traveled.

Oil on Canvas 14″x11″ Copyright 2011

As I walk this path alone, I see the child everywhere. Innocence and naïvety in all people, young and old. It is what I look for in this life, and I find so amazing and beautiful.

This is Sunshine, she is 5 years old.  A great companion on this path.

Filed Under: My Creative Journey

1 Comment

  1. Rosalind says:

    Your beautiful paintings are your children, what a gift to the world that is.
    I am about to paint a china gift for a friend of spoons but was daunted by painting metal. I thought of your paintings of the metal pans in your kitchen and wished I could do that, those gleaming, light filled metals, just one of your many artistic achievements in oils. Your work is great because you concentrate on one thing, ……………I am reading Evliya Celebi, An Ottoman Traveller, his father says to him “Go forth, you are permitted to go in whatever direction you will; but when you are in a strange country, stand on your own two feet, be well-provided for yourself and be a friend in distress for others” You are.


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